Between the pages, between the cracks

crackI never feel more alone than I do when I am amongst a crowd.  I’ve always felt that way.  Just out of place with everyone and everything. I don’t stress about it too much.  I figure that’s just what makes me who I am.  And I like who I am.  I enjoy my own company, to be really honest.  But at the same time, there are periods when I want to belong, when I want to be accepted, when I want to be a part of something bigger than just me because sometimes being alone a lot becomes, well….lonely.

I have a very small family and I have very few friends.  Being introverted and, for the most part, very private, it takes a lot for me to let others into my tiny circle.  I don’t care for small talk and anything that is popular in the mainstream usually turns me off.  I’ve always been drawn to the outsiders, the outcasts, everything and anything on the fringe.

Maybe that’s why I was always drawn to writing.  It’s the perfect occupation for an outsider, an outcast and can and often is done on the fringes of society, away from the crowd.  I feel most comfortable when I am alone and writing.  But I sure would love for some of that writing to be read at some point.

Rachel Carson so beautifully wrote about the loneliness of creative work:

“If you write what you yourself sincerely think and feel and are interested in, the chances are very high that you will interest other people as well.”

I like to keep that in mind when I am writing – alone in my head, alone at my keyboard, feeling as though I am sending my thoughts and words out to no one.

If I keep at it, maybe people will eventually read my work.  Maybe my words will resonate somewhere, with someone and maybe, just maybe, I might be accepted and finally find my place amongst that crowd.

 

 

 

The Measure of Everything

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Two of the most powerful attributes that humans possess are:

1)  the ability to LOVE

2) the ability to CREATE

Having spent my formative years under the thumb of a restrictive parental figure: I was not allowed to say “I want”, I never heard the phrase “I love you” (certainly was never inspired to speak the words either) and my creative endeavors were always overlooked and dissuaded – the idea of living a creative life was laughed at and labeled a “pipe dream” – I’ve spent my adult years learning both how to express love and how to express myself – including allowing myself to express both my needs AND my wants.

 

In the process, I’ve discovered a deep, rich and untapped well of passions lying dormant inside of me. 

 

It’s taken many, many years of learning, growing, stretching myself beyond my comfort zone and oftentimes just plain scaring myself, but the faster my heart beats and more anxious I feel, the more that well gets churned, and the deeper and deeper I am able to dip into it – loving, creating (particularly, writing) and allowing myself, finally and freely, to express myself.

It hasn’t always made me the most popular girl around – especially within my own family!! – but I refuse to censor myself, to keep my emotions or my wants or needs repressed any longer.

It was no way to live. 

With a heart full of love and a head full of stories, neither of which were wanted or allowed to be expressed, my memories of childhood and adolescence boil down to being simply a very unhappy time for a very unhappy kid.

But now, I am the parent and as so, I have always encouraged my children to express themselves in every positive and negative way they see fit – and they are growing up to be the most loving and creative people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing!

 

My measure of everything in life now lies in how much that well of passion gets churned by the thought of a new project, new adventure or new endeavor:

If it’s not a ‘hell yeah!’   Then it’s a ‘no’.

                      (the unhappy kid inside of me smiles whenever she hears that)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Visibility Lessons

alexander-krivitskiy-8Z8JijlydJs-unsplash (cue the tiny violins)….I wrote my last poem today.  Things just weren’t working out.  The amount of energy I was expending on them, losing sleep to get those lines out of my head, onto paper (initially – usually scrawled at 4 am by dimmed light with blurry eyes and a tired hand) and then getting them into just the right poetic order, searching for just the right stock photo, getting it onto Instagram at just the right time suggested by Insights………..only to get maybe 20 likes and generally zero comments.  It just wasn’t working.  It wasn’t what I wanted for my poems, those tiny pieces of huge emotions that I felt just secure enough to release to the world.  It just wasn’t working.

They were all falling flat. The message was being lost.  The words were unraveling.  Over and over again.

And it was making me feel…..broken.

So, I wrote my last one today.  It’s not my best one, but it took just as much time and care and attention as all the rest, so it’s just as important – and once I decide to publish it, I know it will suffer the same fate as all the rest.  “I’m sorry little poem,” I’d often say just before posting them, “you’re going to go die a slow death on Insta now.  I’m so sorry.”

But, in a way, I’m not.

I’m not sorry because I have written hundreds of those poems over the years and now I have hundreds to submit to literary magazines in a quest to get traditionally published for the first time in too many years.  My poetry audience wasn’t on Instagram, but maybe there are eager eyes looking somewhere else for my work, so I’m going hunting for them now, putting my energies into finding just the right magazines, submitting at just the right times for their deadlines.

Being invisible to some eyes doesn’t necessarily mean being invisible to all the eyes out there.  I know someone, somewhere will see my work – and now I can concentrate my own eyes on writing the three novels I currently have in the works.

I did start this year with a publication. A literary magazine in Indiana accepted one  of my dance photos – not one of my poems – but something of mine found an audience! It’s getting published!

I’ve found my first set of eyes.

 

My second novel is released!

Screenshot_2019-12-17 Hope Quest Book 2 The Lightning (Hope Quest trilogy) - Kindle edition by Melanie Ever Moore, Jared Ka[...](2)My second novel (and fourth book of 2019!) is officially released today!

Hope Quest book 2: The Lightning!  It is the second part of my Hope Quest trilogy and today thru Friday, the e-book is FREE!!

Link to book here: Hope Quest book 2: The Lightning

Also, for today (Wednesday, Dec. 18th) only, Hope Quest book 1: Blackbird is also FREE!

Link here: Hope Quest book 1: Blackbird

This is a story that was in my head for twenty plus years and that got me through some dark times in my life.  It is the story of 14 year old Hope Quest, an unusual girl with a face full of scars, who talks in a whisper due to a damaged heart from a lightning strike as a toddler and has some very strange coping mechanisms to deal with an abusive life as she searches for her true origins, which are not entirely human.

I would love for you to check it out!  And if you like it, please consider leaving me a review on Amazon and /or Goodreads!

 

 

My book is FREE this weekend!

Screenshot_2019-05-14 Kindle Cover CreatorIn anticipation of my second novel, Hope Quest book 2: The Lightning being released on December 18th, my first book, Hope Quest book 1: Blackbird is FREE today and tomorrow (Saturday, Dec. 7 & Sunday, Dec. 8th) as an e-book via Amazon!

Get the book here:   Hope Quest book 1: Blackbird

It is a dark tale of 14 year old Hope Quest, an unusual girl with a face full of scars who speaks in a whisper, survived a lightning strike as a toddler and possesses some strange coping skills to deal with an abusive life with her alcoholic grandmother.  A getaway to a three day music festival with her motley group of friends, leads to the discovery of Blackbird, an engimatic musician with some strange skills of his own who shares a dark history with Hope.

Be warned that there is disturbing, triggering material in the book.

This is a story that was in my head since I was 15 and helped me get through some dark times in my own life.  It has taken me twenty-plus years to get it out into the world – and my own 15 year old daughter is on the cover!

If you enjoy it, please consider leaving me a review on Amazon and look for Hope Quest book 2: The Lightning to drop on December 18th!!

 

 

My books are FREE!!

Screenshot_2019-05-14 Kindle Cover Creator6 months ago today, I started my indie author journey with the release of my poetry and dance photography collection, Elegant Execution.  One month after that, I released my novel, Hope Quest book 1: Blackbird.  To celebrate, I am offering both books (e-book versions) FREE today and tomorrow (Friday and Saturday)!!!  Links in the titles.

Hope Quest is the story of an unusual 14 year old girl (Hope) who speaks in a whisper and has some unique abilities in regards to the stars.  In her search for her family, to uncover questions about her strange abilities, she stumbles across Blackbird, the enigmatic frontman for Meteoric Rise, at a music festival, and her search takes some very dark and twisted turns.  Hope Quest does contain disturbing and triggering material and is not for the faint of heart!

I had the story in my head since I was 15 years old and it helped get me through some dark times in my life.  My own 15 year old daughter is on the cover.  It took me two years to write the full 550 page story, which I am breaking up into a trilogy.   Hope Quest book 2: The Lightning will be released later this year.

Go download the books!  They’re free, they’re cool and you just might like them!  Remember to leave me a review on Amazon and / or Goodreads, too.  As an indie author, those reviews are gold!!